Weakness and True Strength
by luvless191
Summary: A short little story about Sakura and what really goes on inside her head why she just watches, why she hates naruto etc.


You talk about pain. And tell me I'm weak. But you don't know what pain is. You don't know what weakness is.

I've gone through more than any of you ever have. I've had more pain, more fear, and more death-threatening, soul-ripping, faith-killing moments in my life than any of you.

I've watched my city burn in the shadow of a monster. I've had people tease me as though I were not a human with feelings. I've become a rival of the person who set me free. I've had to watch my best friends try to kill one another. I've had to stand there, wanting to stop them, but knowing that if I interfere I'd just be killed along with them.

I've seen the face of hatred, of greed, of over-whelming, maddening power. I've seen friends being killed, tortured, and beaten. I've seen the innocent get killed.

I would think that's strength. I would think its strength to control my emotions when I want to scream. When I want to cry out to the night about how un-fair and hard life is for me, when I want to stop the fight that will determine fate.

And yet I am still called weak. Weak because I stand there, but really I am letting my loved ones know I will not interfere with an important battle. I fight only to protect, only when necessary, so I can save my strength. But I am still called weak.

* * *

When my father died, that was the first pain I felt. I was three. Mommy said Daddy had to go be a ninja elsewhere. He had to go save the people in another world. But I knew better. Daddy was the one who was there for me, the one who would always say 'Good job!' even when I had completely messed up.

It was that damned demon fox who killed him. Daddy tried to protect me, tried to protect my idiot mother, and the village we lived in. But that fox was stronger, and after many battles, and many deaths of our village's brave soldiers, my father also fell. He was never coming back, that fox had made sure of it.

Only the fourth could defeat that demon fox. I thank him every day for making sure that the killing would stop, even at the cost of his own life, just like my father did. And I was proud of my father for being such a brave man.

But he left me alone with my clueless mother who was only interested in money, clothing, and hairstyles. For a long time I cried. And people called me weak because I couldn't forget. But they didn't get that I didn't want to forget, I wanted to remember. I just wanted to remember when I was happy with my father. He would tickle me and make me smile. Throw me up into the air as if putting me in danger, only to catch me seconds later and hold me close and say "I love you my little cherry blossom. I'll always protect you. Always."

* * *

I was constantly teased at school. I wore geeky clothes because once again I was left with only my clueless mother. She only cared for herself. Oh sure, she'd take me shopping constantly because I always asked her to. But when ever we would get to the shops, she'd see something that she'd want.

It was always "Ok now, we can only spend so much money, so don't get too much stuff!" I didn't get to much stuff, I would find an outfit or two that fit and bring them to my mother only to find she had spent our money on crap for herself. So I never got cool new clothes.

I had a bad haircut since my mother would cut my hair herself to save money for her highlights. And I got a disproportional face from her stupid genes. And so every day they would tease me, call me names and exclude me.

"Baby! Why are you crying? Is it your Dad? Well get over it!"

"Move on already and stop crying you wimp!"

"Why are you wearing that shirt? It's so ugly! Why doesn't your mother take you shopping?"

"Oh, look at your haircut! It's so cute!! NOT!"

I tried to ignore them. I tried to hold in my tears, but I couldn't. I would cry. I would cry for myself. I would cry because I had horrible old clothes, a ragged lopsided haircut, and a large forehead big enough for a plane to land on.

I would cry for my father since he was now gone. He could never live out his entire life, or help others as he always said he enjoyed doing.

For the fact I had no friends, a clueless bitch of a mother, and I would cry for the sad little blonde boy in my class who would act dumb to get attention since he was lonely.

He was like me: alone and sad. I was nice to him since no one else was. But whenever I tired to play with him my mother would scorn me for it. So soon I ignored him like everyone else. And so I cried since now he had no friends.

I also cried for other people in my class who were like the blonde boy, like that black-haired boy who lost his family. They said his brother killed everyone but the black-haired boy. I felt sorry for him since he felt my pain of lost family, only it was a hundred times worse.

The three of us were very lonely. We all felt pain. And we all felt relatively the same pain. But I couldn't speak to the blonde-haired boy. And the black-haired boy wouldn't speak to me. So we kept to ourselves and were even lonelier than we could have been if we had helped each other.

* * *

Soon someone was kind enough to show me kindness. She became my first friend and I was incredibly grateful to her. She introduced me to other girls and boys who also became my friends and soon I was happy.

But even in my happiness I found pain. I ended up falling in love with the black-haired boy, just like almost every other girl in our village. He was handsome, smart, and his dark eyes seemed to suck you in and made you feel like you could never escape. But then again, you never would _want_ to escape those eyes.

But she liked him too and so we became rivals. I said I would never loose to her again and so far I haven't.

* * *

I heard that the black-haired boy liked girls with long hair, so I grew mine out. I saved my money and bought myself clothes, since all Mom could think about was herself and her new addiction to cigarettes. I studied for school, I memorized book after book of ninja-know-how and practiced techniques for hours. I wasn't the best in strength or in speed, but in written tests I topped everyone else.

I was a good student and did my homework. I did community service and was nice to everyone with the exception of the blonde-haired boy. I had become so accustomed to ignoring him; I forgot why I did that and became cold towards him. But he became annoying and developed a huge crush on my which was even more annoying.

Soon we graduated. To everyone's surprise the blonde-haired boy passed along with us. But no one ever thought he would come as far as he has.

Then teams where picked for us. Three man teams in which we would do missions. I was with the blonde boy much to my annoyance. But the black-haired boy was also in my group so I was extremely excited.

* * *

I saw how the other teams got along: like a family. There was always one girl and two boys on the teams and it always seemed like the girl was the mother, harsh, yet caring. The one who always held back slightly before fighting and who kept the boys in line.

Then there was the mature boy who was like a leader for the rest of the group, like the father of a family. He was stronger and faster then anyone else and was probably liked by the girl.

And last was the other boy usually more annoying and unpredictable than the mature boy. They were like the little kid, always getting yelled at and scorned by the other two.

But we weren't like that. The black-haired boy constantly told me I was useless, I was annoying and how I was lower than the blonde boy. And he and the blonde-haired boy would always fight and argue. It hurt. We weren't a family working together to complete missions; we were enemies, pretending to get along till we found out what made each other weak.

I cared for them, but they didn't notice; I was just the annoying, useless girl.

Then the Chuunin exam was held. That thing changed me forever. Maybe I was a little useless until then, but the thing was every time I tried to do something I was either protected, or I was yelled at for interfering so I stopped trying to help out.

I finally helped out in the exam when I tried to protect my important people. That was when I cut my hair. I now look on that as a symbol of leaving behind the pretty old me who just stood there and going to the new me who helped out the two boys on my team.

But I was still yelled at for "interfering" I was still useless and annoying and I still didn't protect the black-haired boy completely.

We were attacked by that man who controlled those giant snakes. He destroyed the black-haired boy; he gave him a cursed seal, and showed him the power he could have if he went to him. A power that he could kill his brother with.

I still see that evil man's face in my dreams. His is the face of pure, undying evil. An evil so powerful you can only imagine what happened to make him that way. No love can save him and no one can stop him, not even in my dreams can anyone stop him.

* * *

Then the black-haired boy left us. I guess that one taste of amazing power from that snake man was enough to corrupt him. I begged and pleaded for him to stay with me. I told him I loved him. But he didn't care. He went anyway; he choose to be alone again for the sake of revenge.

"Sakura, thank-you…"

That's what hesaid. But I wonder what he meant. Thank-you for loving me? Caring for me? Trying to protect me? Thank-you for being strong through the years? I guess I'll have to find out when we find him.

But sometimes I wonder…will we ever findhim? I don't think he'll want to see me again. He never was very happy when I visited him. He just ignored me. But then again, maybe he just didn't want to get distracted by me. After all he was an 'avenger'

* * *

I have become stronger. I am no longer weak. I am no longer useless. I no longer cry for myself, my father, my friends, or these around. And I no longer cry for the black-haired boy to come home to me; I just wish for his safety.

But will my new strength be enough to get him back? Or will I end up saying…

"…Sasuke, thank-you…"

* * *

Oh god i know angsty! Lulz i wrote this a while ago...and i know i'm uploading a lot tonight but plaesa know: THESE ARE ALL OLD! I WILL PROBABLY NEVER UPLOAD THIS OFTEN AGAIN!!! so ya please comment! and yes for anyone who reads Tsubasa Aska's stuff yes i copied the format on one of her stories for this, but don't think badly of me! i am her personal friend! and i mean this as in WE GO TO SCHOOL TOGETHER AND WE ARE BEST FRIENDS! she is also my beta! so i got her permission peoples!!! 


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